Why You Shouldn't Love People

Updated: Jun 15

I thank Claire Hilton for editing my draft.


I was unable to say that I cared about them when asked. What happens to someone is not in my control. How could I care? Some called me a hypocrite for they had seen me do things that they considered loving. But I never did those things purposefully. There was no "I" doing the loving.


I eventually became literate enough to say, "love and care happen to me and through me rather than by me", just like hunger happens to me. None of it was my choice. My hunger is a response to object(s) other than my will. If love was not my will, it couldn't be "I" doing the loving.


I evolved to understand that no "I" can ever love for love does not have a subject. It doesn't originate from a subject. It already exists. "I" can only withdraw "my" participation. Consider the curvature of space that explains gravitational attraction. Gravity does not originate from a body to reach another body. The curvature created by both bodies causes them to fall into each other or, must I say, fall for each other. They can spend energy to stop falling, but their default state is to fall. Neither body can claim gravity to be its doing. Perhaps, that is the objective nature of love.


You can't love either, for love is not an action. Though it classifies as an action verb, it should classify as a state of being verb. Unlike action verbs such as go and eat, you can't do the verb "love". You can tell if someone ate pizza or went to Pizza Hut, but it is impossible to tell that someone loves Pizza or loves Pizza Hut. This shows that love is neither quantifiable nor objectively verifiable. How then, can someone act it? If he did it, how do we know that he did it? Instead, love seems to be a recognition of a state of being, similar to saying "I am (state of action verb) fat". You are either in the state or not. So long you are trying to be in it, you imply that you aren't. When you are in the state of love, you are probably unaware of it until you have that recognition. We, thus, see that love precedes its recognition. People who try to love want to reverse that order. They make the tail wag the dog.


Love seems to be omnipresent already. We can spend energy to avoid falling, but the default state is to fall. The love that people do out of their will is man-made. It looks like love but lacks truth, and, hence, is fake. The confusion has resulted probably from the subject-verb-object structure of our language. It frames the human mind to think that subject, verb, and object are three discrete entities as if there were a boundary where the subject ends, the verb starts, and another, where the verb penetrates the object. In a language unbound by structures like the language of animals or of music, the universe probably is love-love-love, a continuum into which all entities dissolve. This is selfless love, devoid of a self (a doer) doing the loving. The moment intention, the source of which is the self, enters the formula, we get selfish love-- Person A-loves-Person B. Suddenly, the divinity is marred.

©2020 by Philosophically Inclined