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The Right Time For Dating: addition to life vs life

Updated: Mar 6, 2022

When a man meets a woman at 30, she is an addition to his life, something to accommodate for. He feels like he is giving up his freedom. The woman has to mean more to him than his freedom, but he has just met her. When the same man meets her in college and dates her for 4 years straight, she does not feel like an addition to his life. She is life. She has participated in 4 years out of 21 years of his life. He does not feel like he has given up his freedom because she has been with him ever since he had no freedom. He does not have to make accommodations for her. She becomes the one accommodating others.

There is a right time for everything. Video games were exciting until 15. At 16, girls were exciting. They remained exciting all the way up to age 21-22. I can still enjoy female company just like I can still enjoy video games. But the appeals of both have subsided. Thus, I hypothesize that people who date and marry young are likely to have better relationships than those who marry late.

Older people don’t really need relationships. Just like a child needs a mother at 2, not at 22, older people don't really need life partners. When children grow up, they no longer need parents. They need friends, which is why the best friendships are made early in life. When they mature, they tend to look for life partners. It is the anxiety of the unknown that makes life partnership valuable. When young, they don’t know how the world works, what major they’ll pick in college, how they’ll find their first internship, what field they’ll end up in. They ask questions about purpose, life, and God. At this age, life is uncertain and hard. In this uncertainty, they feel comfortable holding a hand. Once they get old, there’s not much uncertainty. A relationship cannot add stability to life if it is already stable.

If given an opportunity to earn a new friendship or earn $1 million, most would pick the money as they do every day. But if the frame is changed and the opportunity is to betray your best friend for 1 million, a good number of people may let go of the million. This isn't an example of framing bias. This reflects that people value whatever they get earlier. If they got the million earlier, they wouldn't want to lose it for a new friendship. If the friendship occurred before they earned the million, it would be less valuable than the friendship. {In fact, they hold on more strongly to beliefs and values given to them first, which is why it is easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.} The same is true for a relationship or marriage. When a man and a woman meet each other before they both are well-established, the relationship holds more weight than whatever comes after. However, if they meet after they are well settled, they don’t mean anything to each other. They'd likely betray their new partner for $1 million.

We also see that the later people meet someone, the less they care about them. Your best friend is probably someone you met in school or college, not someone you met two days ago. The later they meet someone, the less history they have with them. The less invested they are, the weaker the bond. If a man is already 30 and well settled, new people don’t mean much to him because he is already fulfilled in life. At 19, however, he feels like the world is against him. At this moment, every friend counts.

Another problem with late marriage is that older woman can’t prove their loyalty. When a young girl goes on a date with a young man, he feels grateful because she has other choices. Older women don’t have many choices. She can prove her loyalty only as much as a weak man can prove he forgave someone. It doesn’t mean she can’t be loyal. It simply won’t be easy for her to prove it. And old men would always be insecure if she is one of those girls (who were proud in their youth and are now playing humble only to catch a guy).

People have fundamentally forgotten what a relationship or marriage means. They think it is about not being single or about having children or about a religious ceremony. In truth, it adds stability to their lives as they navigate through life choices, become independent, and mature into responsible citizens. Its purpose is to keep them safe and sane when they struggle with the biggest question in life. Through this journey, they earn their partner's loyalty. Once settled, they live happily ever after. Some ancients believed that marital partners are meant to help each other reach enlightenment.

Modern people try to buy loyalty with money and beauty. They need to learn from dogs. How do dogs prove loyalty when they have neither money nor beauty (in the human sense)? It's not surprising that they can get into relationships but can't keep them. They have forgotten loyalty.

Update, Sept 30, 2020 -

Both men and women are capable of loyalty, contrary to what the media says. It is loyalty when you see 40-years-olds watching Dragon Ball Super. They are still loyal to a cartoon they used to watch as kids. I am sure women also stay loyal to programs they watched as kids. But the catch is, the older people get, the more independent they become. With age, the cost of loyalty increases. This is why I am inclined to think that older people in comparison to young adults may have a harder time staying loyal to one partner.

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